Dating sites are like the plague. However they were far more “social” sites than most of todays networking sites are. But there is a consistent pattern I see in many dating profiles of women - and the same can probably be said for men:

1) I don’t care what your kids look like. So why put up one photo  of you and twenty of your kids? Are you looking for a pedophile? If your kids are your pride and joy - try keeping it down to a minimum number of pics without you in them

2)  “I don’t know what to write here.” - Fine, I get it - just like I got it with the 30 other profiles that said the exact same thing. Welcome to the club.

3) Don’t say “I’m new to this” when you obviously are not.  You know, I don’t say that and I’ve saw your profile on the site 3 years ago.

4) “I’m tired of [insert any number of adjectives for guys or actions]” - fine, we get that you fall for the wrong kind of guy, you put out for the wrong kind of guy, or you are a glutton for punishment.

6) Try getting pictures from various angles - not just the one you prefer. Ever gone on a date where the other person is hot - but only from one angle? Yeah, it sucks.

7) I’m sorry that you feel smoking is a “filthy” habit. But I say the same thing about kids and people who live inside of perfectly square worlds.

There is no knight in shining armor. I killed him. I cut off his head and had his body drawn and quartered. I am going to put the pieces on stakes around your driveway to remind you of it.

9) Oh, I’m sorry - I don’t make enough money for you? Yeah, because I thought the first thing I wanted to do on a date is to pay for you and 3 little rug rats to get a nice meal that your WIC checks won’t cover. Oh, and pay for the baby sitter? How about some birth control and a job; no - part-time doesn’t count.

10) Don’t use the word “queen” or “princess”. It only expresses the need to get a solid pre-nup before the divorce.

11) You’re a party girl? Why meet you here when I can just get you wasted at the bar and have the one night stand?

12) Nice cleavage - is that where I get to rest my beer on our date?

13) Just because you watch [insert local favorite] football, does not make you a unique girl.  Or just because a guy watches Sex In the City does not make him a unique guy.

14) Don’t ask for someone who will “challenge” you and then completely fail to respond when challenged.

15) Don’t call yourself “intellectual” if you can’t back up anything you believe with anything more than “but it says it in [insert book, study, paper]”

16) Just because you like music, it does not make you a music lover. Be very careful in specifying who and what you like.

17) When going on a date and the other person is riding with you, do not, whatsoever, listen to Tori Amos. This is for both guys and girls. Same goes for all country music.

19) If you like to read and say so, make sure there is something there worth reading aside from “the latest issue of glamor” or some epic biography on some shitty star. It doesn’t matter if it is fiction or non-fiction, make sure it is something smart.

20)  Don’t prop up competition where there is none if you can, identify the person in either the picture text or in your profile. Nothing more damaging than competition. If the person in the pic is good looking, it makes you look hard to get.

21) And for God’s sake - please don’t post photos of you in your wedding dress. Or drivers license photos with you scowling.

22) Guys, leave your insecurities at home. There’s sensitive and then there is emotionally damaged, creepy stalker sensitive.

23) If you just got separated or divorced and the spouse still lives in your house, don’t bring it up. In your profile or in conversation. It’s weird and awkward.

24) If you still live with your parents and you are 23 or older, you shouldn’t be on the dating site unless there is a really good reason

25)  Know your league.

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